If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but please consider becoming a paying subscriber for just $5/month. Subscriptions are currently 20% off.
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Last night, the Boston Celtics went on the road to play the Philadelphia 76ers.
Some (me) might say the most exciting part of this matchup was that the Sixers star LeBron James hasn’t posted a single inspirational quote since I called him out for it here and on The Sports Gossip Show.
The fact that I am even wondering whether my sociological analysis of the GOAT’s Instagram Story strategy made its way to his ears does intrigue me, but it wasn’t the most dramatic storyline last night.
Since launching in 2020, this newsletter’s tagline has been “If Bravo and ESPN had a baby” and this story could not be more…that.
The most interesting narrative going into the game was the apparent friendship rift between former coworkers, Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown.
For the unfamiliar, Tatum and Brown were both stars on the Celtics for nine seasons until Brown was traded to the Sixers in July after the team had a meh season and got eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.
I’ll spare you all the basketball details, but basically both Brown and Tatum were expected to make about 70 percent of the salary cap moving forward, which was gonna be wayyy too expensive and someone had to go.
Since the trade, Brown said that the two haven’t really spoken and he didn’t plan on speaking to Tatum when they faced off Tuesday night. Back in October, Tatum claimed that Brown didn’t pick up his call. Maybe it showed up as “Scam likely” on Brown’s iPhone?
We! Will! Never! Know!
According to a report, the two did try to work it out in Paris over the summer at dinner, which sounds like a spinoff of The Hills’ iconic plot about the girl who didn’t go to Paris. IYKYK.
And when Brown was asked about it, he insisted that there wasn’t any beef, but there was, perhaps, a little “lamb chops and some gravy.”
This brings us to last night, when two former coworkers and watercooler friends faced off. Would these two fake it for the cameras? Or would they completely ignore each other altogether?
Instead, they did something you often see on an episode of The Real Housewives when there’s a cocktail party at one of the Housewives’ houses to celebrate the launch of their handbag line, which will cease production in six months.
In the clip, Brown is spinning a basketball. Tatum walks up to him, taps him on the chest, and walks away.
No chit-chat. No small talk. No fake smiles.
I’m sorry, but you cannot tell me that this isn’t the same as former friends and coworkers Bethenny Frankel and Jill Zarin passing each other by the bathroom at a cocktail party in the Hamptons.
They both clearly want to say hi to each other, but just don’t know how to break the ice. Instead of just saying…hi…Brown decided to cosplay as a Harlem Globetrotter and Tatum is acting like he’s brushing past an ex at the welcome party of a mutual friend’s wedding.
I really think it would be better for everyone if Tatum and Brown just worked it out on the remix like Charli xcx and Lorde. Go live on Instagram together! Even just comment on one another’s Instagram posts!
Break! The! Ice!
The Celtics won by 22 points, so at least for now, Tatum has the upper hand.
Off The Field (And In Your Inbox)
Dianna Russini’s new show crashed the BetUS website: As of sending this, the show that was supposed to start at 12pm ET…hasn’t. And also as of sending this, someone on the BetUS social media team still hasn’t added a profile picture to the X account connected to the show, which is driving me insane. For those who are not familiar, Russini was embroiled in a scandal earlier this year when she was photographed holding hands with New England Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel at an adults-only resort in Sedona. Russini subsequently stepped down from The Athletic and this is her first foray back into the world of sports media. (via X)
Why did more than two dozen runners all get sick at a half-marathon in Santa Barbara? It still remains a mystery, but at least 27 runners fell ill in a “suspicious” incident at the Santa Barbara Half Marathon. Police are reportedly investigating… (via KTLA)
A former NFL head coach was arrested for allegedly hitting two pedestrians: New York Jets former head coach Rex Ryan turned himself in Wednesday morning after he allegedly ran over the feet of two pedestrians in Nashville. (via TMZ)
Savannah James’ skincare line just won a beauty award: Yes, the one I’ve talked about extensively on here just received a New Beauty Award. Do I know what it is? No. Am I still waiting for the brand to launch more products? Yes! (via Instagram)
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but please consider becoming a paying subscriber for just $5/month. Subscriptions are currently 20% off.
For partnership inquiries or to just say hello, email madeline@impersonalfoul.com
I've watched the Tatum-Brown interaction so many times. Brown's little leg pat back is almost almost imperceptible but it's there!!
my family… they give more lisa vanderpump and kyle richards energy to me 💔💔💔