Why Do All Athlete Houses Look The Same?

An investigation.

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I’ve already discussed how all athlete weddings look the same, but I wish my brain didn’t work the way it does.

Why Do All Athlete Weddings Look The Same?

Back in September, I saw that Los Angeles Lakers star Luka Doncic dropped $25 million on Maria Sharapova’s old house in Manhattan Beach.

As I scrolled through the images, I couldn’t stop staring at this image of his outdoor fireplace.

I know that’s a big daybed that I’m sure fits his 6′ 8″ frame comfortably, but there’s something so…spooky about it.

The exposed screws (or whatever they are) along the cement walls. The grey….everything. It reminds me of a LEGO house I gave up putting together while babysitting some kid down the street.

There’s no soul! There’s no vibe! In fact, the vibe is just…vibeless?

Doncic really purchased a home in California that screams go girl I will give you nothing.

I couldn’t shake this $25 million purchase. How could someone have so much money to spend on a house and not get something with a little more pizzazz?

It got me thinking: Do all athletes purchase homes like this? I do remember seeing a lot of soulless homes on MTV’s Cribs back in the day, so it wouldn’t be that shocking if this were still the case.

I regret to inform you that it indeed is still the case.

I want to preface all of this by saying that there are some athletes who have impeccable taste when it comes to dropping millions on a home, which we’ll get into.

Unfortunately, however, most of them aren’t using real estate agents like Daria Radlinski to find their dream home, hiring Pierce & Ward to do the interiors, and then publishing photos of the finished product in Architectural Digest.

Instead, most athlete homes fall into two categories: