Shohei Ohtani Hard Launched His Marriage??
Yes, really.
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends. It means the world!
It’s not every day that one of the best players in the MLB hard launches their wife via a statement posted to their official Instagram account.
On Thursday, Los Angeles Dodgers star pitcher Shohei Ohtani announced he is: 1. In a relationship and 2. MARRIED??? I’m sorry *what* now???
As the caption reads:
To all my friends and fans throughout , I have an announcement to make :
Not only have I began a new chapter in my career with the Dodgers but I also have began a new life with someone from my Native country of Japan who is very special to me and I wanted everyone to know I am now married .
I am excited for what is to come and thank you for your support .
There’s so much to unpack here.
Who is this woman?! Who made this very chic Notes App-apology looking graphic??? It definitely wasn’t whoever posted the $700 million blurry Instagram post.
Oh, and can we also talk about his dog in the corner???
This marriage announcement was such a surprise that even Dodgers manager Dave Roberts didn’t even know about it and wasn’t prepared to send a gift lmao:
“As far as wedding gifts, we got surprised and didn’t have much time to think about it. I’m sure it’s en route.”
Does this mean we’ll get a People Magazine exclusive cover + story??? That feels like a very Los Angeles Dodgers PR move.
The only other thought I had is that maybe he’s going to hard launch wedding photos in Vogue, as well. Give! Us! What! The! People! Want!
Or…we will get nothing and just have to live with this statement until we spot the mysterious woman at an upcoming Dodgers home game this season.
So, why randomly announce it now? According to Ohtani, he wanted to do it during spring training to avoid any unnecessary distractions once the season starts in March:
“I didn’t really want any distractions once the season started. I would have liked to announce it earlier, but there were some paperwork issues that (delayed) the whole process.”
I’m sorry, but this man does know that he signed with a team in Los Angeles, California, right???
Anyways!
While there’s limited information online about who this woman is, we do know that Ohtani told reporters that the pair got engaged last year after being together for three to four years.
Finally: A public figure who doesn’t get engaged after seven months of dating!
Ohtani described his wife as a “normal Japanese woman” who isn’t a celebrity, which I feel like is code for “she has 1,357 followers on her private Instagram.”
Given Ohtani is now based in LA, I feel like we aren’t that far off from the pair being photographed by Backgrid going to Funke, and probably a little beyond that, we’ll get an announcement that his wife is investing in a DTC startup that had their branding done by the Graza people.
Only time will tell!
What Paying Subscribers Got
Speaking of hard launching…it looks like the NHL hard launched their star Jack Hughes and his new girlfriend (fling? idk??) on Instagram. Oop!
I investigate this silly story below:
Other Pointless Sports Gossip
An NFL prospect thinks birds aren’t real??? (via Bleacher Report)
Milwaukee Bucks star Damian Lillard says he’s “lonely” in Milwaukee and doesn’t have a life. (via Complex Sports)
Angel Reese’s was denied a Bayou Barbie trademark. Someone call Ms. Greta Gerwig and demand answers! (via USA Today)
Caitlin Clark is entering the WNBA Draft and foregoing her final year at Iowa. (via Instagram)
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends. It means the world!
You can follow me on Instagram here, Twitter here and TikTok here. Enjoy the endless void of content!
Japanese celebrities tend to not bring their partners into the public eye if their partner isn't already famous, and the media typically respects that wish! I don't think this is uncommon for a Japanese celebrity (even someone as famous as Shohei Ohtani!) though it's quite uncommon by US standards.
i mean this shohei launch is possibly my favorite thing to ever happen in the intersection of sports/pop culture. he’s so real for the casualness of it all.