Password-Protect Your Wedding Website
Especially if you're an NBA player.
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There are some lessons that no matter how long the internet and technology have existed, people don’t seem to learn:
You can’t click a link in an Instagram caption. DO NOT ADD ONE. DO NOT COPY AND PASTE THAT INTO THE CAPTION. WHAT ARE WE DOING?
Related, do NOT copy and paste a link as text into an Instagram Story. We cannot click it!
If your AirPods aren’t connecting to your iPhone, try unpairing and re-pairing them again. That usually fixes the issue.
Finally, if you are getting married and have a wedding website, I am *begging* you to please put a password on it or else it’ll be the first thing that comes up about your nuptials on Google and I will be reading every page.
Clearly, Houston Rockets star Dorian Finney-Smith did not learn that fourth lesson when he married JazMyne Branch last weekend.
While I’m not going to include a link to their wedding website (you can very easily find it), I do have a few questions after digging into every page…
The Registry
I get that even if you’re an NBA player, people want to give you a gift if they attend your wedding. It’s a celebration!
One option on their registry is to donate to Finney Family First Foundation, which they seemingly forgot to include the mission statement and left a placeholder in the description.
The second and more….hrrrrmmmm….option is donating to their honeymoon fund:
I didn’t know that an NBA player who just signed a four-year, $53 million contract needs help paying for his honeymoon???
Just! Stick! With! The! Charity! Donations!
Their Story
I fear Finney-Smith may have fallen victim to a ChatGPT narrative. I could be wrong, so I’ll let you be the judge of this copy:
Dorian and JazMyne’s journey began at the University of Florida—Go Gators!—, where a chance meeting blossomed into a lifelong connection. From those early college days, their bond only grew stronger—rooted in friendship, laughter, and a shared spirit of adventure. Together, they’ve raised five amazing children, building a life filled with love, growth, and unforgettable memories.
Whether traveling the world or simply stepping outside their comfort zones, Dorian and JazMyne have always supported and inspired each other. Their love story is one of transformation—growing not just as individuals but as partners who have chosen each other, time and time again. Today, as husband and wife, they continue to write their beautiful story, grounded in deep love, mutual respect, and a passion for living life to the fullest.
Listen: You know how much I love an em dash, but the use of it here feels very, “Please write me a short bio about two people who met at the University of Florida, raised five children, and are getting married soon.”
The RSVP Page
As a nosy Sports Gossip Expert, I did poke around their RSVP page and searched a few of his former Dallas Mavericks teammates (the team he played on the longest) to see if they were invited.
A few of them were, but sadly it does not look like Luka Doncic was invited (or if he was it was under a pseudonym).
I do love that his former Mavericks teammate, Dennis Smith Jr. was listed as a groomsman:
The Flowers
This obviously doesn’t have to do with their website, but as I have preached very loudly here and on
, all athlete weddings look the same and have a nearly identical compressed floral aesthetic.
The flowers at their wedding I would say are a 7/10 on the compression scale:
That arch may take it up a point, however…
Obviously, this wedding has already happened, so the fact that their wedding website is still up without a password is fine, I guess?
For anyone getting married in the future: Just add a password to your website. They are all way too easy to find!
The same goes for baby registries.
I have found one too many Doona strollers listed on a registry for someone I met one time at a friend’s birthday that I cannot for the life of me unfollow on Instagram.
Maybe they didn’t care that the website was public, but I just don’t want to be perceived in that way.
I don’t need people knowing that this is an “…adults-only event” and that they don’t have room blocks reserved, but that there are “…many hotels and Airbnb’s available close to the venue.”
Maybe if they decide to have another child, they will learn their lesson and make the registry private.
Or maybe they won’t.
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but consider becoming a paying subscriber for $6/month to support the work that I’m doing.
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100% chat GPT generated, you hit it on the nose! three em dashes in two paragraphs is far too many to be natural.
Now this is the kind of investigative reporting I look for!!!!
Yes, people, password-protect your wedding website but also… DO NOT so we can have more of this overly personal info about you available to peruse!! 🥹😅