If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but consider becoming a paying subscriber for $6/month to support the work that I’m doing.
For partnership inquiries or to just say hello, email madeline@impersonalfoul.com
Michael Jordan probably thought the 1980s would be the last time he’d be embarrassed by people around him doing cocaine.
On Tuesday, Jordan’s son Marcus was arrested for DUI, cocaine possession, and resisting arrest.
Jordan was arrested in Orlando, Florida, after he allegedly got his Lamborghini stuck on some train tracks, according to TMZ.
According to the report, Jordan had fled a traffic stop, which officers initially tried to pull him over for. During questioning, the police claimed they smelled a strong odor of alcohol.
Listen: Getting a DUI is…not great, but being a nepo baby and getting a DUI is very Hunter Biden-coded.
I will say, though, that Dakota Johnson’s performance in Madame Web was still more of an embarrassing nepo baby moment in this imo.
My favorite part of the entire ordeal is that Jordan allegedly demanded officers play Mariah Carey songs while he was in jail.
According to police, Jordan said: “Play some Mariah Carey up in this b****.” Honestly, same.
Did he want to belt out ‘We Belong Together’ in the hopes that his ex, Larsa Pippen, would hear him and bail him out??? Probably.
Pippen doesn’t seem to be bothered and is currently spending her time posting photos of pasta from an Italian restaurant in Miami.
Jordan hasn’t released a statement, which is to be expected. Will we get a Notes App Apology out of this?
Oh, I’m sure we will…
Other Pointless Sports Gossip
Gisele Bündchen gave birth! (via PEOPLE Magazine)
…and Tom Brady posted one of those reaction vlogs….Is this the most divorced dad thing he has ever done? We’ll probably debate that on an upcoming episode of
. (via YouTube)Speaking of babies, Yankees star Aaron Judge and his wife welcomed their first child. A girl! (via USA Today)
Sacramento Kings star De'Aaron Fox was traded to the San Antonio Spurs (to play with Wemby) and will wear No. 4, his wife’s old number from college. (via ESPN)
What Paying Subscribers Got This Week
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but consider becoming a paying subscriber for $6/month to support the work that I’m doing.
You can follow me on Instagram here, Twitter here and TikTok here. Enjoy the endless void of content!