The World Cup of Gossip
A round-up of gossip and mess from the 2022 World Cup so far.
If the Bravo Cinematic Universe and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends.
The 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar has everything.
Numerous human rights violations. Deaths of multiple migrant workers. FIFA threatening “sporting sanctions” if players wore pro-LGTBQIA+ armbands. The claim that the World Cup was going to be carbon neutral (It’s very obviously not). The confusing ban on beer despite Budweiser’s $75 million sponsorship deal. The visible pockets of empty seats in the stadium. Oh, and the fact that it’s the most expensive World Cup ever.
I could write 10,000 words on the human rights violations alone, but we’re not here to talk about that. I’ll leave those investigative pieces to real journalists.
We’re here to talk about other matters, like the fact that Saudi Arabia’s head coach might as well be a male model and a player for Spain is dating the daughter of the head coach.
After a very long hiatus (I’m sorry! Grad school is indeed difficult and time consuming!), I’m back with a roundup of some of my favorite—and somewhat messy—moments from the World Cup so far. And it’s only been a week.
Enjoy!
The Hot Coach
Coach Joe in Bend It Like Beckham walked so Coach Hervé could run.
Hervé Renard is Saudi Arabia’s head coach and I’m sorry but this man should not be allowed to be a soccer coach.
He looks like a mix between a professional male model and someone who is in Vincent Cassel’s friend group.
If you’ve been following the World Cup at all you’ll know that he led Saudi Arabia’s team to an upset over tournament favorite, Argentina.
Not only is he apparently very good at beating one of the best players in the world, Lionel Messi, he is also very good at being very…European.
The! Graphics! On! This! Jacket!
I digress.
Unfortunately for us, he’s in a relationship with Vivan Dièye, who used to be married to the late Senegal manager, Bruno Metsu.
While Saudi Arabia might have lost their match against Poland last night, there’s still a very good chance they’ll go through to the next round if Argentina continues to embarrass themselves.
Regardless of the outcome, Renard is going to be fine.
His team had arguably one of the biggest upsets in World Cup history and apparently each of his players were gifted a Rolls-Royce as “thank you” present from Prince Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud, which feels….hrmm……I’ll keep my lips sealed on that one.
Anyways, I’ll enjoy looking at this Frenchman’s face on Wednesday when they face Mexico.
Cristiano Ronaldo Continues To Be The Worst
In a battle of “Who is most likely to not tip at a restaurant”, Cristiano Ronaldo sat down with Piers Morgan for a tell-all interview, where he basically just complains the entire time about his (now former) employer, Manchester United.
I asked my husband to explain what was happening at Manchester United that led Ronaldo to do this embarrassing interview and here’s what he said:
“His body can’t do what it used to while his ego has only gotten bigger and he’s having problems accepting it. Also, he’s like Elon Musk saying, ‘Twitter is a huge mess and it’s in debt and it needs me’, while not realizing that Musk is a bigger problem for Twitter than Twitter ever had on its own. To add to the cringe, he did the interview with Piers Morgan on a network called TalkTV, which is the equivalent of Crackle.”
While Ronaldo has been playing good enough at the World Cup—even scoring a penalty that a FIFA executive called “genius” lmao—his entire personality overshadows any of his accomplishments.
Honestly, the best part of Ronaldo is his girlfriend, Georgina Rodríguez, who has a Netflix documentary series where she pretends she’s been cast on a new Andy Cohen-produced Real Housewives of Soccer spinoff.
I’ve watched every episode and can attest that Ronaldo…is….not it.
Depending on how well Portugal does in their next match against Uruguay tomorrow may be telling in determining whether we get a third interview with Piers Morgan that no one except Ronaldo asked for.
Imagine Your Boss Is Your Girlfriend’s Dad
Luis Enrique knows how to mix business with…the guy his daughter is dating. Enrique is Spain’s head coach and he also happens to employ his daughter’s boyfriend.
Ferran Torres, a star for both Barcelona and Spain’s national team at the World Cup, is dating Enrique’s daughter, Sira Martinez.
Personally, I can’t imagine working at a place where my boss was my husband’s parent. Like….What are *those* performance reviews like?
Torres has been dating Martinez since last year, but Enrique thinks it’s all fun and games!!! Here’s Enrique’s response when he was asked to pick a player on his team who is the extension of himself on the field:
"That’s very easy: it’s Mr Ferran Torres. Otherwise, my daughter will come after me and chop off my head!"
Okay!!!
Torres doesn’t seem to mind the questions, as he’s confident that the fact that he works for his girlfriend’s dad won’t cause any issues:
"I think the coach and I, we know how to differentiate between when it’s family and when we are manager and player. I think we have to get on with it in a natural way, just that and we're getting along fine."
We’re! Getting! Along! Fine!
As of sending this email, Spain is currently playing Germany. I’m sure Torres and Enrique will get along just fine!
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the wayyyyy i needed this. thank you!