The NFL Will Stop At Nothing To Do The Bare Minimum
The NFL Will Stop At Nothing To Do The Bare Minimum
No one asked for a Sleep and Wellness partner.
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I haven’t been able to sleep and I know someone who can help: Sleep Number.
Founded in 1987 as Select Comfort, Sleep Number has been the official Sleep and Wellness partner of the NFL for the past three years and I still have no idea what this means.
After hours of pointless research, I don’t understand why the NFL agreed to this partnership instead of, I don’t know, giving Colin Kaepernick a better apology than this nonsense.
In January of 2018, the NFL and Sleep Number announced their multi-year partnership, which was “…aimed at helping to improve players’ performance by maximizing the benefits of a great night of sleep.”
In their press release, they said that every player will be offered a Sleep Number 360™ smart bed with SleepIQ® technology. Whatever that means.
I’m sorry, but let’s begin with the obvious question: Literally why?
Football players have access to the best medicine that money can buy. They do not need a bed that you can purchase in a renovated strip mall in the suburbs of a second-tier market.
The obvious reason why football players do not need a smart bed to help them sleep is the fact that they are very rich. Rich people do not need a bed to help them relax. In fact, the minimum annual salary for a rookie active roster player with a one-year contract is $480,000.
Sleeping in a bed won’t decrease their stress, but sleeping on their pile of money will.
Moving on.
Sleep Number has recruited players from across the league for this “partnership”.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott is in so many commercials for this dumb thing I lost count.
There is no way that Prescott uses a Sleep Number bed. Pics or it didn’t happen.
And yet, so many other players have agreed to take part in this nonsense.
From Hall of Famer John Randle (he was good that’s all you need to know) to rookie Ceedee Lamb, Sleep Number will stop at nothing to get people to buy these damn beds.
After scrolling through Sleep Number’s entire Instagram, I’ve found their first real post about the partnership: A photo of retired wide receiver Victor Cruz…lying on a bed without sheets on to promote…better sleep for youth??? Help me understand.
And if you’re wondering what their big announcement actually looked like. Well, it looked a lot like this graphic that my mom could’ve made in Canva.
I’m sorry, but what is this?
If you thought I was finished, wait until you see the pillows they made for the Super Bowl in 2020. Again, no one asked for this.
They even got the Cowboys to share their “Sleep Playbook”. What is a Sleep Playbook?!
Not only have they recruited the NFL for this partnership, they got Katie Couric (Katie! Freaking! Couric!) to agree to pose like this???
And if you thought that Couric was the only non-athlete they snagged, look no further than Can I Steal You For A Second’s, Catherine Giudici and Sean Lowe.
Writing about sleep and this dumb partnership is making me want to take a nap. Now I’m just waiting for the day that the NBA announces their multi-year partnership with Casper. Disruption!
Let’s be real here: The NFL does not need a Sleep and Wellness partner. They need an anti-racist action plan across the league. They need to give Colin Kaepernick a non-Notes App apology. They need to permanently ban any player accused of domestic violence.
If they take all of these steps, then maybe we can all sleep a little better at night.
Just maybe.
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