The Messiest Family In Sports

Doxxing his boss wasn't even the craziest thing to happen...

If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends. It means the world!

It’s not every day that you read about an NBA player having a brother banned for life from the league for gambling, another brother going to prison for killing a woman, and another brother arrested for a DWI all within the same month.

Denver Nuggets star Michael Porter Jr. needs to call Esther Perel to sign his family up for counseling.

The Nuggets just advanced to the second round of the NBA playoffs after beating the Los Angeles Lakers.

Personally, this is a real bummer, given that I likely won’t see my favorite basketball celebrity couple (Adele and Rich Paul) courtside at Staples Center (no, I won’t be calling it that other name).

In some ways, winning may be an even bigger bummer for Porter Jr. as most of the media coverage surrounding the star is about…the nonsense going on with his family.

As I wrote about a little while back, Porter Jr.’s younger brother, Jontay, was recently banned from the NBA for life after it was discovered that he bet on his own games.

And! He’s! Not! Even! Good!

This must be embarrassing for Michael on so many levels, but mainly because he was employed at the same workplace as Jontay.

Could you imagine your younger sibling getting hired by the same company and fully just doing the MOST when he easily could’ve ridden his brother's coattails???

Jontay was about to get promoted by his employer, the Toronto Raptors, and threw it all away…to bet on himself.

I can’t even imagine the level of embarrassment I would feel if this happened to me. I would be mortified in the same way that I am mortified when I start walking in one direction and quickly realize I am going the wrong way and have to turn around and hope that no one will notice.

Shameful!

Obviously, that story alone would be enough to make me want to privatize my Instagram (Porter Jr. isn’t even on Instagram) and take a personal leave of absence from my job, but that’s not all!

In the same month that Jontay was banned from the league, Michael’s *other* younger brother, Corban, was sentenced to six years in prison after he killed a woman while driving under the influence of alcohol.

I wouldn’t even say that story is embarrassing—it’s just tragic and so so awful.

All I’m going to say on this one is please just Uber. Do. Not. Drink. And. Drive.

When both of these stories came out last month, I thought surely there couldn’t be anything else…until there was something else.

Yesterday, it was reported that *another* younger brother of Porter Jr., Jevon, was arrested on suspicion of DWI.

I think someone really needs to check on Porter Jr.…Like…is he okay?! Is his family okay?!

Michael has two older sisters and another younger brother and like…can someone please make sure they are good??? Just say inside!

Watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians reruns and be quiet. PLEASE.

Here’s the thing: You would think that all of this family drama would cause Michael to play poorly in the playoffs, but he’s not??? He’s averaging 22 points per game!

Maybe he’s channeling his anger and frustration towards his family members into buckets???

Or maybe he’s used to his family’s off-the-court drama given back in 2020 he said some…questionable…things about the COVID-19 pandemic, including that the disease was:

“…being used obviously for a bigger agenda... for population control in just terms of being able to control the masses of people. I mean, because of the virus the whole world is being controlled.”

In 2019, he also leaked NBA commissioner Adam Silver’s phone number on Snapchat:

Oh—and this past February he compared women’s basketball to pingpong:

“I see it from both sides. I know these females want to get paid more, and they're very talented, but so is a famous pingpong player," Porter Jr. said. "The best pingpong player is just as talented as the best basketball player, that doesn't mean they're gonna get paid the same. It's what the people want to watch.”

Michael recently renewed his contract with…PUMA. Meanwhile, WNBA star Caitlin Clark signed a multi-year, $28 million deal with…Nike.

I don’t have anything else to say on THAT matter.

So, yeah…is the Porter family the messiest in professional sports? Possibly.

They may be giving the Mahomes family (dad faces 10 years in prison if convicted after being charged with his third DWI, and brother was once accused of sexual assault) a run for their money.

Like I said at the beginning of this newsletter, I think this family needs to do some major therapy—just please don’t let it be with Tony Robbins.

An Athlete Got Married!

Welcome to a new series where I highlight…well…a professional athlete who got married! It is wedding season after all…

Model Emily Caro and tight end for the Jacksonville Jaguars Evan Engram got married in April at Oheka Castle in New York. Yes—a castle in New York state!

My favorite tidbit from the Vogue exclusive is that Caro worked with Bridals by Lori from Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta fame for her custom look.

Other Pointless Sports Gossip

• A beekeeper saved a recent MLB game and got the recognition he deserved. (via CNN)

• Tennis star Coco Gauff says that she and Tashi from Challengers would’ve been “frenemies.” Speaking of: Did you see Challengers yet? Do I need to do a newsletter about it?! (via X)

• WNBA legend Candace Parker has announced that she’s retiring from basketball. (via The Athletic)

• Denver Nuggets star Jamal Murray hates tap water. (via X)

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