Someone Check On Urban Meyer

Plus: The college football players are fighting.

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Nothing screams existential crisis more than a dad pregaming a college football game by having a drink at the bar inside a grocery store.

I did a double take when I saw the photo above of former Ohio State and University of Florida head coach Urban Meyer posing with a Starbucks employee the day before the Ohio State-Michigan game.

The expression on Meyer’s face looks like he’s been caught. I’m sorry, but no one wants to be recognized at a bar inside of a grocery store—whether you’re famous or not.

Listen: I’ve done it, but it was with a friend and for the bit, and it was at Gelson’s in Silverlake in LA, where I’ve spotted too many celebrities buying Talenti ice cream than I can count.

For those unfamiliar, Meyer used to coach at The University of Florida before “retiring” in 2010.

Meyer became a commentator on ESPN in 2011, but that didn’t last long once he was hired as Ohio State’s head coach that fall.

Not too long after Meyer became Ohio State’s head coach, a story came out where several Florida players alleged that Meyer developed a "Circle of Trust" (Meyer denied this claim) for star players and that these players received preferential treatment, like not having to complete workouts and being punished less.

Meyer continued coaching at Ohio State until 2018, when Meyer was placed on paid administrative leave after reports surfaced that “…Meyer knew about spousal abuse allegations against assistant coach Zach Smith prior to Smith's firing the week prior.”

Meyer was eventually suspended for the opening three games of the season, and the team finished 12-1.

Of course, Meyer “retired” again until he unretired himself and became the head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars—until he was fired after 13 games.

I guess that takes us to present day.

Meyer is acting like a dad who retired from the job he did for basically his entire life and didn’t really make that many adult male friendships outside of Paul in accounting, who moved to another state after his divorce from Brenda.

The only real friends that Meyer has are the husbands of his wife’s friends (which don’t really count), so he now passes the time at grocery store bars or playing golf or buying new khakis on sale at Banana Republic that his wife told him to go buy rather than doing the Hoffman Process and healing his childhood trauma.

I think that’s what led Meyer to the grocery store bar. Sure, maybe it was convenient and cheaper than going to an actual bar closer to the stadium, but I don’t think so.

Maybe Meyer really just needs a friend???? And, no, his friend can’t be the employee who works at the Starbucks that is also inside of this grocery store.

The Boys Are Fighting

You could probably find a fight in any episode, season, or franchise of The Real Housewives you put on, but there are certainly some that are more iconic than others.

The dinner in Amsterdam on Beverly Hills. The table flip on New Jersey. The tour bus fight between Nene and Kim on Atlanta.

Those are the *real* fights. The drama! The yelling! The theatrics!

So! Much! Mess!

Now that you have a vision of those iconic fights in your head, just imagine that eight of them happened in the same episode.