Patrick Mahomes Shouldn't Bring His Brother To Work
Do YoU kNoW wHo My BrOtHeR iS?!
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Imagine your sibling showing up to your workplace, only to do a TikTok dance while you’re in a meeting with your boss.
Now imagine that your sibling filmed a TikTok dance on the sideline memorial of a deceased player.
That’s essentially what the younger brother of the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, does on a regular basis.
Meet 21-year-old, Jackson “Only Drinks Essentia Water” Mahomes.
Jackson is currently (at least I think he is) a student at The University of Missouri-Kansas City where he’s studying marketing. He’s mostly known for his sideline TikToks from his brother’s games, where he posts videos like this:
I was trying to think of that other silent dancing video that was circulating the Internet that reminded me of this, but I can’t remember. If that vague memory somehow sounds like something you’ve seen too, please send it to me. I am going insane trying to figure it out.
I digress.
What I really think he should be studying is the phone number for Olivia Pope who can help him get out of some of the messes that he continues to put himself in!
Besides the fact that Jackson’s entire Instagram feed looks like he paid for a VIP ticket at an event with his brother.
And with his brother’s fiancé, Brittany.
What we really need to address are a few of the…questionable…choices that Jackson has made—and subsequently decided to post about on the Internet.
(Don’t) Pour Some Water On Me
In September, Patrick had to come collect Jackson after he poured water on a Baltimore Ravens fan after the Chiefs lost 36-35.
Patrick addressed the clip in a post-game interview, where he sort of defended/deflected/didn’t condemn the situation? Idk who knows!!!
#MemorialGate
In October, Jackson was criticized (and later “apologized”) for dancing on the memorial number of the late Washington Football Team player, Sean Taylor. Here’s the thing: He knew where he was standing. They literally memorialized the number the day of the game, so unless he was deep in scrolling on his #fyp page (possible), he should’ve and would’ve known better.
Not only was this deeply insensitive, but it’s also just…not…a…great…dance? Listen, I cannot dance and I commend anyone who willingly puts their dance moves on the Internet when they aren’t a professional dancer, but I feel like these moves are not it.
If anyone has any connections to the Getty photographer in the background who is seemingly unaware of what’s happening, please DM me.
Don’t Mess With Small Businesses
He! Just! Can’t! Stop! Posting! Things! On! The! Internet! That! He! Maybe! Shouldn’t! Have! Posted!
In December, Jackson publicly called out a local bar in Kansas City for “absolutely terrible” service.
Here’s the thing: If anyone else called out a small business for bad service, you might—once again—give them the benefit of the doubt that their claims are valid.
Reader: It! Was! Not! The! Case!
The local bar responded on Instagram with a lengthy (and since deleted) Instagram post, where they wrote one of the most iconic clap backs I’ve maybe ever seen?
*Zooms in further*
We’ll! Survive! Your! Ego!
We love to see it.
In Conclusion
Someone please take this man’s phone away. I’m not saying he needs to stop making TikToks. I can’t quit that app, either! However, maybe don’t make them on a memorial number of a deceased player?
Listen, we’ve all been 21 once. I get it.
Well, I don’t really get it, because TikTok didn’t exist and I was too busy trying to be a 2014 Tumblr Girl, but you know what I mean.
I think this is at the point where Patrick needs to either 1. Use some of his $45 million/year salary to pay for a social media manager for Jackson or 2. Throw a laser?
Who knows that the real solution is other than…maybe think before you post?
I need a nap.
Deuxmoi Sporty Spottings
I might need to update my Rich Paul explainer…
But will they do a photoshoot there?…
Other Pointless Sports Gossip
Go Dawgs.
Go (Drunk) Dawgs.
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