NBA Players Dress Like Men On Raya

An investigation.

May 04, 2021

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I’ve done plenty of swiping in my day, but there’s nothing quite like the slideshows that I was served by “men” on Raya.

A man in a hat appears. His bio says that he’s a Model/DJ/Entrepreneur who is “Just looking for friends.” A Chainsmokers song plays in the background. He’s shirtless in half of the photos or wearing a button down that’s only buttoned on the bottom button.

You swipe left.

Another man appears. This time, he’s wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and Nike sneakers he bought on GOAT. Oh, and he’s also wearing a beanie. A Future song plays while he takes you on a journey through his “globetrotting”. That’s straight from his bio. Oh, and he also skateboards.

Smh.

There’s another man. He actually seems…normal? The straight-edge type for Raya. He’s wearing a fashion shorts, posing with a group of friends at The Bungalow in Santa Monica, and says that he “loves his mom” in his bio. He only has 1,200 followers so you swipe right.

Until you also realize he’s also “Just looking for friends” and has secret children that you discover while stalking his ex-wife on Instagram.

Then there’s a Tall Man. In his first photo, he’s wearing sunglasses indoors and walking into an arena. A Drake song plays in the background. You recognize it. You watch as photos of him in a jersey for an a-list team NBA team transition into photos of him on a private jet.

You Google him.

He has a Wikipedia, but there isn’t a lot about his career as a professional basketball player listed. He’s a benchwarmer, but that’s okay. Maybe you’ll still get court-side seats out of it.

Since Raya launched in 2015, stories have popped up about which famous athletes they spotted on the app. I have a friend who dated a player for the Clippers. Another talked to an ex-NFL star whose opening line was (and I quote): “How r u?”.

The! Spelling!

But we’re not here to trade stories about the Whoey athletes we’ve seen on Raya. We’re here to talk about something else. Something more…disturbing.

Why. Do. All. NBA. Players. Dress. Like. These. Men. I’ve. Seen. On. Raya.

Let’s Talk About It

For a long time, the Walk Into The Arena photoshoot did not exist for NBA players in the way that it exists now. They wore grey suits. Eventually, things got funkier. And then they wore Those Suits. You remember.

"We got enough fabric on these suits to clothe the entire country." - Dwyane Wade on Those Suits

Side note: If you want more of a deep dive into the history of the NBA’s style evolution, I highly recommend this GQ gallery from 2012. It paints a good picture.

Players have always had style. I’m not arguing with that fact, but it’s nothing quite like what happened when *~SoCiAL mEdIa*~ became a thing.

Daman Rangoola @damanr

This is legit 3 different generations of fashion 😂😂😂

NBA players have quite literally stepped their game up and in the process have started looking like men who ghosted me on Raya.

Let’s discuss these personalities.

The Hat Guy

Did men on Raya have a convention where someone told them that they should wear big hats? Women don’t need to see you in a hat, they need you to respond to their texts in a timely manner. And yet, here are just a handful of examples of some of the NBA’s biggest players…wearing hats…indoors. Help me help them.

The Beanie Guy

Speaking of hats, The Beanie Guy has been infiltrating the arena for quite some time. He’s that guy who has a trust fund, but lives in Bushwick. He’s the guy who also has a trust fund and is an “artist” who “skates”. Even though you’ve never seen him skate.

The Guy Who Attended Charli D'Amelio’s Birthday Party

Scroll through these photos and tell me that these NBA players don’t look like they could pass as members of The Hype House singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ms. D'Amelio. Their opening lines are either “What’s your TikTok handle?” or “Have you ever made it onto the #FYP page?”. Nothing else.

Divorced Entertainment Lawyer/Dad But He Doesn’t Tell You He Has Three Children Until The 10th Date

An average date 11 text you will get from This Guy: “Wanna come with me to Erewhon in the Pacific Palisades? I have to pick up some organic goat’s milk yogurt for my daughter.” These NBA players are dressed like they just ran a few errands before their youngest child’s soccer game, where it’s their turn to bring the orange slices. Organic, of course.

Zillow Listing Of The Week

Steph Curry lives in an office building. You cannot fight me on this. This man spent $31 million on a house that has a patio that looks like the Water Garden in Santa Monica or this Century City people watching spot.