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I became a Notre Dame football fan in 2023 when then-transfer Sam Hartman made his debut against Navy. Do I have any familial connections to Notre Dame, besides some ancestral Irish-Catholic repression? No. Did I go to the University of Georgia? Yes.
Like many other people, I became a Fighting Irish fan because, well, Hartman is hot.
He’s got flaming locks of auburn(ish) hair and looks like he should be a male model and not a football player.
What made things even hotter was the fact that Hartman was coached by Marcus Freeman, who is also…hot.
The transfer made headlines (mostly because he was attractive) and Hartman went on to play in the NFL starting in 2024 with the Washington Commanders.
I’ve always thought about this man. His jawline was far too snatched to be doing press conferences in basements about his pass completion percentage. This man deserved to be sitting front row at fashion week, which he did attend at the Prabal Gurung show last fall.
This man should only be attending beauty events, like this one for YSL Beauty! He! Is! A! Beauty!
And let’s be real, he’s not…that good at playing football and deserves to be one of those athletes who just appears at the Met Gala every year, because designers like to dress him.
His PR strategy seems to be working, because this morning news broke that rocked me to my core: Hartman is going to be the next Bachelor.
This is a miracle! This is because of Woke 3.0! And no, I don’t know if Hartman is liberal, but I am going to pretend that he is.
I feel like this announcement was a gift from the Sports Gossip gods, because I have never felt more prepared to cover a season of The Bachelor than I do with this one.
I’ve already texted Charlotte Wilder to tell her that she may need to revive her Bachelor as sports recaps from 2017 and we will obviously be discussing the season on The Sports Gossip Show.
What a beautiful way to end the week.
If Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. This newsletter is free, but please consider becoming a paying subscriber for just $5/month. Subscriptions are currently 20% off.
For partnership inquiries or to just say hello, email madeline@impersonalfoul.com
The SCREAM I let out when I saw this news and realized it wasn't AI!
No, this is actually my Roman Empire!!!!