FIFA Needs To Hire Tree Paine
FIFA Needs To Hire Tree Paine
An Impersonal Foul and Hung Up collab.
If the Bravo Cinematic Universe and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends.
I didn’t have “The air conditioning is making players sick” on my 2022 World Cup bingo card. You know who wouldn’t have let this slide? Ms. Tree Paine.
I digress.
At this point, Fyre Fest looks like an Aman resort in comparison to everything that’s happened in Qatar.
The craziest part of this World Cup is the fact that the matches have been truly SportsCenter Top 10 Plays-level of drama in the best way. From Japan beating Spain with that controversial goal that sent Germany packing to Ghana finally ending a decade-long rivalry with Uruguay, getting to the round of 16 has been pure primetime mess.
With the elimination round starting today, we’re definitely going to see more chaos on the field—and certainly off—since FIFA can’t seem to keep it together for more than three seconds.
To breakdown some of the World Cup mess, I chatted with my friend and authority on Leonardo DiCaprio,
. She writes, , a weekly pop culture newsletter that I drop everything to read.I’ve included some excerpts below, but you can read our full conversation here.
Enjoy this nonsense and go USA??? Lmao.
Impersonal Foul x Hung Up: A World Cup Brain Dump
You can follow Hunter on Twitter here and on Instagram here. Also she will hate me for saying this, but in addition to writing on season two of Gossip Girl, she casually made an appearance in episode two. What can’t she do?!
Hunter Harris: Ooooookay … I cannot believe that this is where life has brought me but I’m obsessed with the USMNT and can’t wait to watch them against the Netherlands. But how good is that Dutch team and how healed is Christian Pulisic's pelvis??
Madeline Hill: Allegedly Christian’s pelvis is fine?? I’m like, did this man just get hit in the balls and they’re trying to make it sound like a serious injury? “Pelvic contusion???” I have a pelvic contusion every time I bleed during *that time of the month*, but no one is making Marvel graphics about me!!!
But honestly, I think this is going to be a pretty evenly matched…match. The Netherlands are an aging team and haven’t really looked that sharp, so the US should be able to beat them. A lot of the US players are young, scrappy and (don’t make me finish this sentence, Lin Manuel Miranda) good at playing soccer. Also, now a lot of the American players play in the Premier League so like they get their whole vibe. It’s not like the 2018 World Cup when we didn’t qualify and were playing like a bunch of AYSO dumb dumbs.
I think the odds are technically that the Netherlands should win, but how the US played in the group stage was so good!!! What have we learned from the 2020 and 2022 election, Hunter? Never! Trust! The! Polls! Honestly, I’m just excited for Timothy Weah’s Instagram presence regardless of the outcome. His dad is the President of Liberia!!!
HH: The drip on Timothy Weah … no one is touching him! But you did bring up the most embarrassing part of this World Cup for me: who is running the USMNT socials, because they are a mess! Those insurrectionist-ass Marvel poster edits are a pain to look at. Whatever happened to go team?
MH: Right?! Like the amount of time it must take to make these dumb photoshopped posters that look like a senior thesis for a graphic design student is…shocking…They need to take a page out of the college football playbook and make overproduced hype videos with Samuel L. Jackson narrating, like my alma mater, The University of Georgia, has done on *multiple* occasions.
And they are so good! As I’m watching them, I even start thinking to my self, “Wait…do I actually *like* this country?” They feel very patriotic! Just please don’t have Morgan Freeman narrate it. We know which side he is on here!
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