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Someone call Esther Perel because New York Knicks guard Austin Rivers and his girlfriend Audreyana Michelle might need to go to couples therapy.
While there was a literal coup happening in D.C., Michelle was pissed at Rivers for not hanging out with her on his day off.
In the investigative journalism that no one needed—but that I’m going to tell you about anyways—Rivers secretly recorded Michelle upset that he wanted to “go hoop” right after he returned from a trip on the road with the Knicks.
Woodward and Bernstein could never get tapes like this.
But, this isn’t just about a funny one-off Instagram Story.
This story has layers: Rivers wanting to “hoop”, exposed DMs that accuse him of cheating on his ex-fiancée and the mother of his son, and Justin Bieber.
You better Belieb it.
Some Backstory
Rivers, son of coach Doc Rivers (Remember him?) and sibling to Callie Rivers (Ring a bell?), began dating Brittany Hotard while they were both in high school.
When Rivers enrolled at Duke University as a #1 college recruit, Hotard allegedly started going to a community college to be by his side.
Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.
Like many Male Athletes who leave college early and head straight to the NBA, Rivers did just that after just one season at Duke.
These kids can’t legally rent a car, but they will sign a $50 million contract or whatever. You love to see it!
Rivers was drafted by the New Orleans Hornets (pre-Pelicans #rebrand lmao). After a few years in New Orleans, he was traded to play for the Los Angeles Clippers, where he became the first son (Remember Doc Rivers?) to play for his father in an NBA game.
Yes, Daddy.
This detail is important, because one of Rivers’ teammates on the Clippers is someone you are all very familiar with: Paul George.
Yes, the guy who proposed with a pinky ring.
Have you connected the dots yet? No worries. I made a chart for you to fill in the blanks of what I hope you are already thinking.
In 2017, Rivers proposed to Hotard. It was the fairytale relationship. They were high school sweethearts for crying out loud! In 2018, Rivers and Hotard announced the birth of their son. While digging for this information, I found these maternity photos where they are…playing with flour? Okay.
Things were going well! They were planning on getting married the following year. Then Hotard exposed him for cheating via Instagram DMs.
As you might imagine, this news did not go over well and Hotard ended things with Rivers.
Enter stage left: Michelle, a 20-year-old Instagram model. Now this is where the Beliebers need to listen up.
In 2017, before Michelle started dating Rivers, she was spotted on a hike (I’m guessing at Runyon Canyon) with none other than Justin Bieber.
Hailey! Is! Shaking!
Obviously, this “relationship” didn’t go very far, but it was fun while the paparazzi photos lasted!
Now back to the main story: Michelle went public with her relationship with Rivers on Valentine’s Day last year. Ahhh, pre-COVID love.
You know I had to show you her caption, too:
“happy lover’s day... here’s mine 🔒❤️”
After dating for six months, she let the words FLOW out of her in honor of Rivers’ birthday. Buckle up, because I’m only sharing an excerpt of the caption:
“Today’s the best day because it’s the day you were born. My smush. My best friend. My partner in crime. My soulmate. I hope you know how loved and appreciated you are everyday, but especially today.”
A caption for the ages.
And guess what?! ThEy ArE PrEgNaNt!
Rather than mirroring the maternity photos he shot with his ex-fiancée, Michelle took matters into her own hands…
…By making a pandemic reference?
Rivers didn’t make a pandemic reference when he slam dunked…into their gender reveal. In true Male Athlete fashion, it involved a very precarious basketball filled with blue dust. Okay.
Despite this chaotic mess, Rivers and Michelle seemed to have a 2020 that went…well?
Stay home, stay safe, and practice self carentine.
Other Pointless Gossip
Drake (Not an athlete but wishes he was) made Steph Curry and Draymond Green tardy for the party.
ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski sums up the last four years.
Zillow Listing Of The Week
Dallas Mavericks guard Luka Dončić purchased a $2.75 million hotel lobby house in Dallas late last year. Buckle up.
Other Sports Stuff
Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stefon Diggs is that kid who eats all of the orange slices that your mom packed in the trunk of the minivan for soccer practice.
Never mind I’ll find…a bunch of soccer players who probably have their Pop Crave notifications turned on for an Adele album release announcement.
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