"Can I Steal You For A Second?"
- The Brazilian Health Officials
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On Sunday, a World Cup qualifying match between Brazil and Argentina became an episode of The Bachelor.
If you aren’t familiar, the chaotic ABC franchise will often “surprise” contestants with an appearance of their ex boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s their version of a “Gotcha!” moment.
Brazilian health officials did just that when minutes into the match, they waltzed onto the field to “steal” (AKA deport) four Argentine players who allegedly broke COVID protocols when entering Brazil.
In a statement from the Brazilian health authority Anvisa, they basically were like, “You didn’t read the fine print.”
"After a meeting with the health authorities it was decided that, after checking the passports of the four players involved, the players did not comply with the rules of entry into Brazilian soil.”
The four players in question—Emiliano Buendia, Emiliano Martinez, Giovani Lo Celso, and Cristian Romero—all play for Premiere League teams in England. The U.K. is on the list of countries that Brazil requires you to quarantine for 14 days upon entry.
They did not quarantine for 14 days upon entry.
Imagine if this happened during an NBA playoff game? Oh wait, it sort of did. Anyways, what’s even crazier is the timeline of how these random health officials got onto the pitch.
Allegedly, Anvisa tried to detain these players at the hotel, but they were already on their way to the stadium. The literal Brazilian federal government even negotiated with CBF (Brazilian Football Confederation) and Conmebol (South American Football Confederation) to give an exemption to the Argentine players. It was granted.
Anvisa was like, “Yeah we literally don’t care, we’re going to steal them for a second anyways.”
As the story goes, Anvisa was stuck in traffic on the way to the stadium (Yes, really), delaying their arrival. By the time they made it to the stadium, the match had already started.
Anvisa quite literally walked onto the field and asked to steal the players for a quick second.
After the match was officially suspended, Argentina allegedly locked their dressing room and refused to let federal police or Anvisa enter.
Simultaneously, Brazil decided to play a scrimmage to entertain the fans who were still there. Lmao.
Pure! Male! Chaos!
The players were eventually allowed to leave and all boarded a flight back home to Buenos Aires with their teammates. FIFA (everyone’s favorite and totally not corrupt sports organization) will determine what happens next with the qualifier.
Just like on The Bachelor where the ex rarely is given a second chance, Anvisa won’t be able to brag to other health officials about their BDE (Big Detaining Energy) this time.
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Honestly, this really just reminds me of the school on Elite, your favorite Spanish high-school soap opera on Netflix.
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If the Bravo Cinematic Universe and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends.