Blake Griffin's Day Job Is Being A Professional Basketball Player
Just let this man be a comedian.
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Blake Griffin just wants to be a comedian.
Like any aspiring comedian, you need a day job. For Griffin, that’s playing in the NBA.
A few weeks ago, it was announced that Griffin is headed to the comedy capital of the world…to play basketball.
The comedian has signed with the Brooklyn Nets.
Griffin, a six-time All-Star forward, agreed to a deal to join the Nets for the remainder of the season.
This is like if you find out all of your friends were invited to a birthday dinner and you weren’t, but at the eleventh hour you get a call from the birthday girl and she says there’s room for one more to squeeze in at the table.
She called the restaurant after all.
Griffin has been around for a while. He was selected first overall by the Los Angeles Clippers in the 2009 NBA Draft. In other words, Griffin has seen some stuff.
The Spark Notes version of his career is that he’s played for the Clippers, Pistons, and now the Nets. In 2011, he was both the Rookie of the Year and Slam Dunk Champion.
Good! For! Him!
But Griffin’s career in the NBA has been marked by injury after injury, making him do what any professional basketball player with a personality would do: Become a stand up comedian…and Ashton Kutcher?
You Know I Had To Check His IMDB
Griffin made his acting debut in the ABC Family series, Greek, which was all about layered tank tops and beer pong. I did the lord’s work and watched both episodes where he is uncredited as a member of the fictional Omega Chi Delta fraternity.
I’m sad to report that he was cut out of both episodes.
Based on my pointless research, it looks like he made his screen debut in the way that only softbois who live in Silverlake dream of: In a Funny Or Die video that he wrote and directed.
If someone told me that Griffin took classes at UCB (#yikes), I would believe them.
Griffin also appeared in a 2012 episode of the 90210 reboot, because of course he did.
But Griffin’s acting and comedy career didn’t end with teen soaps and YouTube shorts. In fact, he’s taken it to the next level: Open mic nights.
More than being inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame one day, Griffin just really wants to win the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
Show Me The Receipts
Griffin has literally said that once he’s finished being a professional basketball player, he wants to do stand up as his job.
"My whole idea is to start now, to get in and meet a bunch of people, shadow people and learn the ins and outs so when I'm done playing, I'm not starting fresh."
Nothing but…#networking!
Like any good Male Comedian who wants to hone his craft, Griffin did an unpaid internship with Funny Or Die.
Griffin could care less about winning an NBA Championship. He just wants a Comedy Central half-hour special.
Oh wait, he kind of already has one?
In 2019, Griffin appeared at the Roast of Hilaria Baldwin’s husband.
Griffin also roasted The Comedian Who Won’t Be Named.
Griffin has achieved what every man dreams of achieving: Making people besides their girlfriend laugh. But who is writing his jokes? I need to know.
Is it his ex, Kendall Jenner? This girl?? I have so many questions.
Back To Ashton
Mayor of Silicon Valley, Ashton Kutcher, is the king of punking people and Griffin clearly wants in on this to boost his…comedy credibility? Help me understand.
Tomorrow, Griffin’s new truTV series, Double Cross with Blake Griffin, airs (not #spon). The entire premise of the show is that the person pranking someone else…gets pranked?
L!O!L!
You know I will be watching this pointless series, but I do wonder how Griffin thinks this will help his comedy and acting career? Will he get a tweet from Kutcher? A thumbs up? Idk.
That’s My Time
While Griffin might not be on the starting lineup for the Nets right now, he’s probably on a lineup at some outdoor comedy show in Greenpoint, being introduced by a Warby Parker Male and running through his bits in the Notes app on his phone.
Griffin then probably checks his Voice Memo app, hits record as he goes on stage only to realize five minutes later when the set is over that it didn’t record after all.
He sighs, slumps his 6′ 9″ frame over to the COVID-friendly portable bar in the back, opens Raya, and tries out one of his bits on another Instagram Model.
Other Pointless Gossip
Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James continues to be the GOAT. James just became a part owner of the Boston Red Sox. You know, as one does.
Well, this story is a mess.


Zillow Listing of the Week
Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Andy Dalton just signed a one-year $10 million contract with the Chicago Bears, which is maybe why he put his $2.5 million home in Dallas on the market? Or maybe it was these chaotic floating shelves.

Other Sports Stuff
I couldn’t resist.
Khloe, do you have a comment?
FIFA’s Chief of Global Football Development (Whatever that means) wants to have the World Cup every two years. Honestly, I’m down.


If the Bravo Cinematic Universe and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends.