Beyoncé Drops New Music, Usher Hugs Alicia, and Taylor Chugs a Beer
And the football was budget.
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Roger Goodell is at the Beverly Hills Hotel having lunch with David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, the creators of Game of Thrones. They talk shop and swap storylines.
At the end of the lunch, Goodell pulls out his AMEX Centurion card and says, “No, no. Trust me: I’ve got this.”
Benioff and Weiss don’t think much of the meal until it’s suddenly February 11th and it’s Super Bowl LVIII and the score is 13-10 at the beginning of the fourth quarter and the Chiefs haven’t won (yet).
I’m sorry, but it really feels like the writers from the final season of Game of Thrones consulted on this game…because it has been so….something.
The missed field goal??? All of this punting??? The streaker??? This is a very budget Super Bowl.
It reminds me of the skincare section at T.J. Maxx, where there’s one bottle of expired Glossier Milky Jelly and then a brand called “Deluxe Medical Grade Premium” selling a retinol duuuppeee made from seaweed.
Honestly, the most interesting football that occurred during this game was the field goal-off between the Chiefs and 49ers. Kicker for MVP!
Anyways, I’m sure you’re aware by now but the Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers to take home their third Super Bowl in five seasons.
Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, Travis Kelce, played fine??? He turned it around in the second half, but yeah….not the highlight of the night, unfortunately.
Let’s talk about what really matters: Everything but the football.
Beyoncé Saved The Super Bowl
By giving us the gift of new music during a Verizon commercial??? I’ll take it!
Beyoncé’s new (presumably country) album drops on March 29th. The first two singles ‘TEXAS HOLD ‘EM’ and ‘16 CARRIAGES’ are out now, and thank god they aren’t exclusively on “Title”:
Thank god.
Usher Hugged Alicia Keys
The roller skating! Ludacris! Shirtless Usher! I love being from Atlanta!
Usher’s halftime performance was a Millennial’s dream—and maybe also Alicia Keys’ dream???
After Keys…maybe didn’t hit that note?….They embraced in a way that I feel like should be an HR violation for a work event, but alas, it happened!
Taylor Swift Chugged A Beer (Or Something)
Swift made it to the Super Bowl to watch her boyfriend yell at his boss!
Don’t worry: Travis Kelce made up with his boss Andy Reid afterward with a hug.
Tree Paine’s subconscious influence on Kelce is something else!
Anyways!
Swift chugged a beer (or at least part of a beer or some beverage because it looks like one of those small cups you get at a friend’s housewarming party).
She appeared to have fun with Blake Lively cosplaying as high fashion Sue Sylvester, Miles Teller’s wife, and that girl Ashley!
Miles Teller’s Wife Is Our Collective Social Media Manager
Keleigh Teller was there with her phone (phew) to make some blurry TikToks that I will consume for the next 24 hours set to non-UMG Taylor Swift song edits.
Ummmm….Larsa Pippen Unfollowed Marcus Jordan???
During the Super Bowl, my personal Super Bowl happened when Larsa Pippen unfollowed her boyfriend (and the son of her ex-husband’s old coworker), Marcus Jordan, on Instagram.
Pippen proceeded to post an Instagram Story poll asking whether friends should unfollow their ex on Instagram, while Jordan posted a poll about who was going to win the Super Bowl at his dad’s house with a TV that is way too small for a nepo baby.
More on this in another newsletter when I’m more awake, but I hope this will be a plot line on the next season of Real Housewives of Miami.
And Finally: Taylor Swift Walked On Grass In Heels
Goodnight!
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Loved reading this. It was so exhilerating.