An Affair To Remember

A pointless Sunday edition!

Oct 24, 2021

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Why does this photo look like something they’d use in an Inside Edition murder special?

Picture this: You start a new job and befriend a coworker. Quickly, you become friends, gossiping in the kitchen about your boss, and going to Sweetgreen together on lunch breaks. Eventually, your coworker invites you to dinner with his wife. It was an innocent offer until you realize that you prefer spending time with the wife than your coworker.

I bet you know where this is going.

You start hanging out with your coworker’s wife in a “more than friends” sort of way. Here’s the thing: You still have to work with that coworker. And hang out with them during lunch breaks. Obviously, this doesn’t go well and you request a transfer to a different city—and bring your coworker’s wife with you.

You start living with your coworker’s wife and her three children that she had with your ex-friend. A blended family of sorts.

At one point, you even run into your former friend at a conference. You go to up to him to make amends, but he refuses to shake your hand.

At least you still have the girl.

Flash forward a few years and you and the coworker’s wife have two daughters together. Things seem to be going well for you until last Saturday when the coworker’s wife accuses you of cheating.

We all know how the saying goes…

Let Me Break This Down

If none of this is ringing a bell, don’t worry. It took me about ten hours of Googling to understand what is going on in the soccer world.

At the center of this true story are three key players: Paris Saint-Germain’s Mauro Icardi, Wanda Nara, and Sampdoria’s Maxi Lopez.

Icardi and Lopez met when they were teammates on Sampdoria, an Italian team. As teammates do, they began to hang out—including with Lopez’s then wife, Nara. Well, as you might imagine, Icardi and Nara liked hanging out with each other more than they did with Lopez.

Icardi and Nara’s affair was splashed over Italian tabloids and obviously Lopez wanted to get outta town. Eventually, Lopez’s wish was granted when he transferred to Inter Milan just a few months before his divorce with Nara was finalized.

I could end the story here and it would still feel juicy, but It! Gets! More! Chaotic!

A year after Lopez transferred, he was reunited with his former coworker in a match that was literally called “The Wanda Derby,” where Lopez refused to shake Icardi’s hand.

I understand why Lopez wouldn’t want to shake his hand considering Icardi and Nara were engaged within a year of their split. Oh, and news circulated that Icardi and Nara allegedly communicated with each other on social media with the hashtag #Quindicina, which was allegedly a reference to the fact that they did the deed 15 times in 28 hours.

Okay!

Icardi claims that they met after she split with Lopez, but like…I’ll let you be the judge of that:

"I was a friend of the couple, an acquaintance, and it was all very normal. After that, Wanda split up and we kept in contact, and it just happened.”

Eventually, Nara and Icardi got married and had two children together. Things seemed to be going well for some time until last weekend when things took a turn for the Real Housewives.

The Instagram Story

Cheating accusations have gone down in an elevator—and now on Instagram Stories.

Last weekend, Nara took to Stories to share how Icardi has allegedly ruined another family:

“Another family you have ruined for a s***".

It! Gets! Worse!

On Monday, she posted her ring finger sans ring and I have some things I’d like to discuss. First of all, are the Louis Vuitton snow boots a sign that Icardi is going to be iced out of this relationship?

The! Alice! In! Wonderland! Mug!

Does Nara feel like she’s trapped in the looking glass? I need answers!

Nara alleges that Icardi cheated on her with an Argentine actress, Maria Eugenia Suarez. Initially, Suarez was basically like, “I’d like to be excluded from this narrative that I may or may not be a part of.”

In Suarez’s words:

"I have no idea where all this came from. Whoever it may be. I don't even know them. I myself have just separated."

Interesting…Because on Thursday the narrative shifted when Suarez effectively admitted that she was the third (I guess sort of fourth??) person in the story:

“What occurred is a situation I didn’t start, I didn’t encourage and I didn’t provoke.”

According to Suarez, the story goes all the way to the top—of fuccbois who continue to act like fuccbois:

“There’s a much bigger and deeper story behind what’s happening today which many woman are going to identify with.”

As you might imagine, Nara felt like she needed to respond to this news. What do you think she did? Well, she took to Stories obviously when she shared photos of her and Icardi canoodling over the past few months. I think this was her way of proving that they were very much together when Suarez was texting Icardi???

And in true What Goes Down In The Instagram Story fashion, Nara captioned her montage to public photos of her and Icardi: “Photos from the last three months that were published.”

And she finished off this saga with: “I’ll look after my family. Life itself will take care of the little “bitches.””

The! Drama! The! Picnik! Collage!

What’s Happening Now

It’s barely been a week since this pointless nonsense happened, but Icardi is already trying to play catch up and get his woman back! He missed three days of practice for PSG, has posted a chaotic five photos of his wife in a row, and even unfollowed everyone on Instagram except Nara.

As of publication of this nonsense, he has now also unfollowed Nara. What does it all mean???

Did Nara approve of these? Who knows!!! Who thought this was a good idea?!

Whatever it means, Nara will continue posting cryptic photos on Instagram, like this one of her airplane tattoo with the caption, “Mood”, as a way of indicating that she’s ready to move on? Maybe??? Idk.

Regardless, Nara has other things to worry about, including her cosmetics line that looks a lot like Kylie’s and her insanely beautiful children.

In the meantime, I’ll keep worrying about what the next update is in this pointless saga by checking her Instagram Story.