A Statistics-Free NBA Playoff Preview
Plus: Merch is coming!
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My prayers have been answered.
We don’t have to hear about Katy Perry going to space anymore, and instead, we can focus on the fact that the NBA Playoffs are finally here.
I probably could’ve made this a 10-part series, but honestly, I am sparing your inbox and focusing this NBA Playoff preview on a few teams and players that have piqued my interest.
Plus….I have a merch update! 🚨
I’m sorry it took so long, but Impersonal Foul merch is coming so soon. Like this week soon.
My first run will be a ‘Sports Gossip Enthusiast’ hat that I get so many compliments on every time I wear it.
Paying subscribers will get first access to the drop (and a discount, of course), so now would definitely be the time to upgrade that subscription.
Now onto the sports nonsense…
Cleveland Cavaliers
The Player: Donovan Mitchell
If you’re thinking about leaving a job or relationship, please consult with Donovan Mitchell first.
He might tell you the grass is NOT always greener. Before this season, Mitchell was dyingggg to get out of Cleveland. He reportedly wanted to go to the Knicks, but it didn’t work out.
After much speculation, he decided to stay in Cleveland and make the best of it.
It! Worked! Out!
The Cavaliers are the No. 1 seed in the East and are a serious title contender.
He’s primed for a great playoff run, which could lead to an epic Conference Finals showdown with the Boston Celtics.
And I must remind everyone that Tristan Thompson is on this Cavs team, which is shocking that man is still employed.
Boston Celtics
The Player: Jayson Tatum
You know when a coworker gets a promotion and a raise and you actually are genuinely happy for them, but….you’re also seething and resentful and annoyed.
Well, that happens to professional athletes, too.
Jayson Tatum had to stand off to the side and applaud on national television twice last season while his coworker Jaylen Brown accepted the Conference Finals MVP and Finals MVP during the Celtics championship run.
Tatum played really well this year and has separated himself as the clear best player on the Celtics.
He would never admit it, but I think he wants to repeat the title for the obvious vibes, but also really for the colleague jealousy pettiness factor.
Tatum wants those Conference Finals and Finals MVP awards.
He’s the type of guy who will stay later just to prove a point, but will also be very annoying and won’t shut up about it. Tatum gives off Drake vibes and I don’t feel like I need to elaborate further.
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