A Million Little Pieces...Of A Shattered Trophy
How one football team dropped the ball. After the game was over.
We did it. We made it through 2020 to discover that nothing has really changed.
While the ball dropped in Times Square, the ball also dropped and shattered into a million pieces at the Duke Mayo bowl after the Wisconsin Badgers broke their championship trophy.
After beating Wake Forest, quarterback Graham Mertz dropped it while celebrating their win in the locker room. Mertz did what any champion would do: Dance in a circle while someone blasted Spotify on a portable bluetooth speaker that didn’t work that well.
They were having the time of their lives. They were champions. Then they became the champions who shattered a very expensive trophy.
Before digging into The Fumble, let’s address some key details.
The Guy Who Dropped It
Mertz is a redshirt freshman who has only posted 17 times on Instagram. Chic.
In an incredible black-and-white photo that he shared, he can be seen posing in a sweatshirt that he transformed into a tanksweatshirt. It’s the ultimate I Love To Take Girls On Dates At A Chain Restaurant In My Pickup Truck-vibe.
On top of the dramatic photo, his caption foreshadowed his football career future:
“Coming...#StayDangerous”
Who needs astrology TikTok to predict the future when you have a quarterback from Kansas?
The Drop
Things seemed to be going well for the Wisconsin Badgers. They had their hats on backwards, because the Male Athlete Bible tells them so. Bro 4:20.
The bluetooth speaker was kind of working. Then Mertz dropped the trophy.
Now let’s focus on the chain reaction from his teammates and coaching staff.
Mertz is dancing. His teammates are capturing all of this on Instagram and Snapchat. Why do athletes love Snapchat so much? Moving on.
Mertz drops the trophy. For a few brief moments these incredibly talented athletes are frozen. For the first time, they don’t know what the next play looks like.
What do you do after a game-changing fumble? You create some #content. Moments after Mertz drops the ball, this guy swoops in and starts filming.
Players, like wide receiver Adam Krumholz, began posting their reactions on Instagram.
When you are faced with adversity as an athlete, you become a Brand Manager for a mayonnaise company.
The Wisconsin Badgers turned a Million Little Pieces into a Million Dollars Of Free Advertising for Duke’s Mayonnaise.
Because when life gives you mayo, you make a trophy.
The Brand Moment
When Duke’s Mayonnaise sponsored this bowl game I don’t think they thought their product would be utilized in any post-game, product placement fashion.
But everything changed for their marketing team. I imagine they called their Social Media Manager and drafted a response to share on their unverified Twitter account in an attempt to create a viral social media campaign.
Apparently their campaign worked on this guy who was #influenced to purchase Duke’s. Good! For! Him!
A viral moment wouldn’t be complete without some swag. The bowl (verified on Twitter) partnered with an apparel company to sell t-shirts that cement this moment in history.
The Cover Up
There was a lot of pointing fingers at who really dropped the trophy. While we know it was Mertz, his teammates and coaches had his back.
Head coach, Paul Chryst:
"I'm not under oath, so I don't know if I have to speak.”
Linebacker, Noah Burks, was nice and vague like a man on an eighth date with a girl who is trying to deflect her questions about whether they are exclusive:
"There's video proof out there who broke the trophy, and I'm not going to say anything else regarding that.”
The Confession
It didn’t take long for Mertz to confess to the crime on his Instagram Story.
In a post-game interview, he elaborated by giving a shoutout to his mama:
"I dropped it. That's on me. My mama would call it a boo-boo, but it's all right, we'll bounce back. It'll be the last trophy I ever drop, I guarantee you that.”
In the end, Mertz’s clout increased exponentially after the incident. His coach had his back. His teammates had his back. And they’re getting a new trophy because of it.
On top of their new trophy, an anonymous tipster told me that they got two bottles of mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, and a $425 Belk gift card as a prize.
#StayDangerous, Wisconsin.
Other Pointless Gossip
This reporter forgot to mute their mic and started talking trash about Clemson quarterback, Trevor Lawrence, and his terrible mustache.
Speaking of Clemson. After their head coach, Dabo Swinney, ranked their opponent (Ohio State) #11 in a coaches poll (and then lost), LeBron James had this to say about it.
Zillow Listing Of The Week
Tampa Bay Buccaneers tight end, Rob Gronkowski, is always all over the place. Just like the $1.7 million condo he purchased in Miami last year.
Other Sports Stuff
Shaquille O’Neal being petty.
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