5 Pieces of Sports Gossip You May Have Missed

Literally what *isn't* going on?!

If the Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends. It means the world!

Summer 2023 has everything: Shocked Americans learning that there isn’t a drive-thru Starbucks in Positano, Ariana Grande getting a divorce (and allegedly dating that theater kid), and Damian Lillard requesting a trade from the Portland Trail Blazers.

In the past month, while everyone has been sipping Aperol Spritz’s and attending the Renaissance Tour (myself included), the Sports Gossip Cinematic Universe has been doing the most!!!

After returning from vacation in Mallorca (I’m sorry) with

Hunter Harris

, I’m all caught up on what has been going on in the World Wide Web of pointless sports gossip.

I’ve rounded up some of my favorite nonsense you can send in the group chat below.

Also: Be sure to subscribe. It’s free!

I’ll be back next week with more regularly scheduled nonsense. Enjoy!

He Went To Footlocker

I *must* know how Timothée Chalamet ended up playing basketball with Adam Sandler on a random Friday in New York City and I wasn’t invited.

Can I play basketball? No. Do I want to discuss Uncut Gems in detail while looking at a bunch of tourists standing in line for some Dominique Ansel popup like it’s 2012? Absolutely.

I know that it clearly was a last-minute text, because Chalamet was photographed with a Foot Locker bag that he took to the basketball court to meet Sandler.

Yet Another Embarrassing Instagram Apology

Following in the embarrassing footsteps of that former Good Morning America anchor, soccer star Neymar posted a bizarre tribute/apology/off-brand Urban Outfitters poem to his pregnant girlfriend, Bruna Biancardi, after he claims he “made a mistake.” Ooop!

NJ 🇧🇷

NJ 🇧🇷 on Instagram: “Bru Faço isso por vocês dois ou duas e por sua família. Justificar o injustificável. Não precisava. Mas eu preciso de você na NOSSA vida. Vi o quanto você foi exposta, o quanto você sofreu com tudo isso e o quanto quer estar ao meu lado. E eu ao seu lado. Errei. Errei com vocês. Arrisco dizer que erro todos os dias, dentro e fora dos campos. Só que os meus erros na vida pessoal resolvo em casa, na minha intimidade junto à minha família e meus amigos… Tudo isso atingiu uma das pessoas mais especiais da minha vida. A mulher que sonhei seguir ao meu lado, mãe do meu filho(a). Atingiu a sua família, que hoje é a minha família. Atingiu a sua intimidade em um momento tão especial que é a maternidade. Bru, já te pedi perdão pelos meus erros, pela exposição desnecessária, mas me sinto na obrigação de vir publicamente reafirmar isso. Se um assunto privado se tornou público, o pedido de perdão tem que ser público. Não me imagino sem você. Não sei se vamos dar certo, mas HOJE você é a certeza que eu quero tentar. O nosso propósito prevalecerá, o nosso amor por nosso bebê vencerá, o nosso amor um pelo outro nos fortalecerá. SEMPRE NÓS Te amo ❤️”

June 30, 2023

Damian Lillard Wants To Sell His Subaru

It happened: Portland Trail Blazers star, Damian Lillard, has *officially* requested a trade. After years of Will He/Won’t He, Lillard has decided to sell that 2012 Subaru, as he has his sights set on warmer pastures.

While a deal isn’t close to being final, there are rumors (backed by the Always Online Woj) that Lillard wants to play for the Miami Heat.

Listen: Who doesn’t want to play in a city where you can eat Carbone’s spicy rigatoni in 95-degree heat with 100 percent humidity?

While that deal may never happen, we can only hope that we’ll get a Deuxmoi Sunday Spotted featuring a blurry photo of Lillard with a caption that reads, “Some basketball player is at Carbone. I think a guy named Damian? Can anyone ID him? Anon pls.”

Messi Went To Publix

Speaking of Miami-Dade county, Lionel Messi went to America’s best grocery store: Publix.

Shopping really is a pleasure when the best soccer player of all time rolls up to Publix with his wife and kids in slides to buy American cereal that you know his kids *begged* him to purchase.

Impersonal Foul

Impersonal Foul on Instagram: “Not #Messi going to Publix in slides. ☠️The real question: Did he get a Pub Sub?”

July 14, 2023

Messi made his debut last night for Inter Miami in the most Messi way possible: Scoring a goal in the 94th minute. The look on Serena Williams’ face says it all.

The Women’s World Cup Is My Entire Personality

The Women’s World Cup is officially underway. New Zealand upset Norway in their first-ever World Cup win. Australia beat Ireland, but I’m still thinking about this Irish fan who booked a last-minute flight. Sadly, the luck of the Irish flight deals was not on her side.

@otb_footballYou booked your flights WHEN?! 🌏 This Irish fan was convinced by Sligo Rovers’ Emma Hansberry to book her flight to Australia literally days ago 🤯 🎙️ Kathleen McNamee #worldcup #coygig #australia

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Of course, I am ending on a patriotic note (lmao): The US Women’s National Team beat Vietnam 3-0 in their World Cup debut. With one win down, I am eagerly anticipating more TikTok content—especially from Trinity Rodman (Yes, Dennis’ daughter)—in the coming days…

@trinity.rodman @trinity.rodman ♬ original sound - 🤍🎧

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

If the Bravo and ESPN had a baby, it would be Impersonal Foul. You in? Subscribe and tell your friends. It means the world!

You can follow me on Instagram here, Twitter here and TikTok here. Enjoy the endless void of content!